If there is one thing I will not do right now is be fake, put on a smile, put on my big girl undies, and say everything is “ok” because…frankly…that is just not being real or in my ‘current moment.’
See; in reality…I’m hurting. My heart is breaking so loud that it makes ice bergs seem like a twig snapping. In fact, I cried out so loud to God last night that the neighbor turned on her light. (I guess crying out loud to God is a bit scary at 2am). The beautiful part of this is what I’m opting to do with my pain. In the past I’ve turned to certain addictions or things that would feed these addictions rather than dealing with the pain and just “being real” with God.
He calls us to a one-on-one relationship with Him and so often, we look at it as just a one way…”Thank you God for this day, my family, my friends….yada yada yada relationship”….those are good prayers-if you are three. But being 31-years of age, it’s time for even lil ol’ me to grow up and realize that there is more to this “personal relationship with God thing” than just thanking Him for the good things in my life. And to be real honest and in my current moment, right now my hurt is so deep that I can’t see past the hurt to see the good things-it doesn’t mean I’m not thankful for them or for the ways that the Lord has blessed me or that I am not aware of what He has done for me, it just means that there is a current problem and I gotta get it dealt with RIGHT NOW with Him.
That’s where the two way street comes into play. I’ve ALWAYS been a person with a plan and any little thing that disturbs that plan greatly disturbs me and throws me so far off track that I can’t even begin to start over with a new plan. And so, I let the simple fact that someone or something changed a plan on me disrupt me and my whole being that I throw in the towel, call it a day, and head to bed. I refused to seek a new plan or ask direction from anyone much less seek Gods’ wisdom…See a repeating pattern here “I” Yep…it’s been all about me and my plan, not about what God’s plans are!
Jeremiah 29:11 says 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Number 1. STOP WORRYING! God has it under control…I don’t need to plan it or figure out the ending prior to the current moment because God has the ending and in His reality it’s already His past.
Number 2: GIVE UP! Give up my ideas, my will, my plan, my desires and all the things ”I” want and see there is a much bigger picture than what I could ever want and by me thinking of only me, I’m stunning Gods growth for my life. (Notice I didn’t say, “stunning Gods plan” because I’m seeing that God’s gonna do what He’s gonna do, whether or not I’m on board...if I’m not on that boat, then I miss out. He’s going on without me and will get His plan worked.)
Number 3: HE DECLARES! Declare: verb declare; 1.say something in a solemn and emphatic manner.
synonyms:
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proclaim, announce, state, reveal, air, voice, articulate, express, vent, set forth, publicize, broadcast; More
informal come out with, shout from the rooftops
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Synonyms:
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So, this declare is the same as an announcer over a loud speaker at football stadium yelling “FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOUR LIFE” “HELLO!!! I KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! TRUST ME!!!” If the Lord is declaring it…it has to be important!
Number 4: Prosper=Growth! God wants me to grow in many ways. I’ve never looked at this verse as in a financial sense, it’s been something deeper, like he’s trying to obtain something deep within me that allows those around me to see Him through me. He wants me to deal with this pain so I can mature and grow from it. I plan to be as tall as a tree when this pain is over.
Number 5: NO HURT! He doesn’t have plans to harm us. However; we are usually so selfish that we end up in situations that require us to be pruned and that means, that things will get cut out of our lives, causing a great deal of pain. We get on this path of “Everything is good…I won’t rock anyone’s boat…including Gods, I’m not gonna pray right now, or read my Bible, I’ll do that later”-Later never comes for me, until the things that I love dearly are suddenly jerked from me and left me clinging to my pillow crying out with a heart so heavy and broken that the neighbors get wake up and the dogs go running to hide.
Number 6: HOPE! What’s causing me so much hurt right now, is not knowing what is going on with someone else, not being allowed in and feeling like it’s my right to know, it’s my right to be a part of what’s going on (again with the “MY” it’s all about me attitude!). However, a part of me fears that I’ve found that majestic bird, which I believe soared higher than all others and endured the longest and highest flights and I’ve forced it to sink into despair by placing it in a cage, where it is forced to helplessly beat it’s wings against it’s prison bars-with a bowed head and drooping wings, it is a sad picture of the sorrow of inactivity. But there is a hope inside me that knows that was never my intention to do, that it was never something I wanted to cage or harm or see sad. However; over the past five years, I’ve watched that bird slowly become the one with a bowed head and dropping wings and for whatever reason, I just keep wanting to keep it in a cage, perhaps, I’m terrified of what might happen if it’s let out and I’m terrified that my heart will get severely broken- But…funny things is….not only am I now broken, so is the bird. So I’ve not caused not only me harm and stripped my own hope, I’ve stripped the hope this wonderful being that I know could do anything in this world because I believe in them. There is a sense of hope in knowing that no matter what we break or cage up God can fix it and set it free to fly.
Number 7: FUTURE: I heard it said today…”Our future is Gods’ past” it’s true, if He formed us before we were born and knew what our path would be then it’s already in His past. Here is where I’ve got to apply the lesson….
My future may be God’s past, but my present is His gift.
Dear God:
You and only you know my heart and my deepest pains, sufferings, dreams and hopes. You and only you know that my intent was to never cage a majestic bird and beat it down in a prison until it is filled with sorrow. Lord, God, please hear my cries and help me understand your plans and what I must do. I surrender this pain to you and know that only you can make the broken parts workable.
In Jesus Name-
Amen
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